It was chilling cold. The half moon was trying to peep from the spaces between the sparse of clouds. Challenging the weather and our prevailing cultural norms, I was lying flat on the ground as if I was trying to do arithmetic counting of the stars. Ursa Major(Saptarshi) was right in front of my eyes.
Beep...Beep...Beep... 8:45 version of BBC started tuning into my ears through the headset of my cell. "Protests spread in the Arab nations, dozen killed"… "Turmoil in the Mideast deepens"…"Taliban bomber kill 31"…"NKorea to attack south"… Whole world seems to be in the state of chaos and so was my mind and soul. I used to care those stuffs and keep myself updated. But I hardly want to get into these absurd happenings. I tuned to another station that played music which goes with my feelings. "Whiskey Lullabies….." Ah! I love it.
But damn! Bhanu entered the scene trying to absorb the atmosphere. I could easily make out that he too was drunk slightly. After recognizing me in the rays of half moon, he exclaimed.
"Nisha, You here! What has happened to you? What on the earth made you to spend lonely moment here?"
"No...Nothing.... "I said with a clear lack of curiosity to his queries.
But he wasn't intending to leave me alone. Talks started with the gossips on career and future after graduation. I hardly took part in the conversation. However, being a good listener, I kept on hearing his talks. I didn't know from which point his monologue deviated into something I never wished to have.
"Nishu, we used to be very close friends, isn’t it?"
My nerves were carrying impulses to make my heart start beat very fast. Breathing accelerated and my body started to shiver. I felt as if my body wasn't mine. Coz it wasn't under my control. I tried my best to hide my body shivering.
I was willing to elude him but he continued,
"I remember the days when we spent most of the time together. I remember... I remember..."
Things from past came in front of my eyes like a film. We used to have a whale of time. Since we were friends, he was the only guy I trusted. We used to go college together. Dad never took it otherwise. I had my scooty. He used to sit behind me. We used to ride far and far, so bravely and wildly.
Bhanu was inexorable. Wave after wave of pent up emotions poured out. He continued,
"I can’t remember the point from where we began to secede. I remember, when I realized that we were really separating, you were already very far from me. I really miss those moments, Nishu."
I had never found him so serious before. I wasn't in a condition to have an eye-contact with him. I wasn't scare of him either. Still my body didn't stop shivering. Although the weather wasn't that cold, my heart was almost freezed. Taking a deep breath, he continued.
"I don't remember any smallest dispute between us. Neither had I told something that hurts you nor you had. How come such close friends get to the situation where even talks are rare?"
Silence haunted the nature for sometimes. During his long monologue I hadn’t spoke a word. Bu he was pretty sure that I wasn’t turning deaf ear to him. The silence perhaps meant to indicate it was my turn to speak. But I sat there in dumb silence. Finally, he broke the muteness himself,
"Speak out something, Nishu. You won’t have luxury of being silent today."
I wasn't in a condition to speak a word. Coz it was sure to show that my heart along with my body was quaking. But I had no alternative to speak there then. I didn't have any word to justify. But I dared to give a try.
"Neither you nor I know the point from where we separated. The circumstances might have played their roles. There's no particular reason for the break up. Perhaps, there might be petty nuts and bolts of circumstances that acted cumulatively." I made an attempt to concede the truth.
This was the longest sentence I had ever spoken with him, since months. He started judging what those 'nuts and bolts of the cumulative reasons' could be.
He reviewed, “My gradual closeness with Jyoti might not have allowed me to arrange time for you. Being a teetotaler, my penchant for bottle might have made you to feel yourself insecure. My reluctance to buy a bike might also have played role for the break up.” He kept on discovering many elements of the 'cumulative reasons'….
I looked up in the sky. Ursa Major was far behind my eyes. My hair and collar of jacket were already wet with winter dews. I looked at my cell, it was already mid night. It was time to leave.
It won’t be hyperbolic to say, he is still a good critic. He ‘worth his salt’ to find out and interpret each and every element of the 'cumulative reasons'. But to me, the first element was just more than enough for the break up created. Coz this Nisha(the darkness) can't stand his Bhanu(the sun) being synonym with Jyoti (the light).
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